This is a lOng one...by Jenelle Esparza

In terms of inspiration and “seeds,” I have had many influences so far. But one that has particularly stuck is that aspect of worship and religion in an historical context. Growing up, given that my father is the only Jehovah’s Witness in the family, I have always been interested in the religious experiences and practices of others because mine was so awkward and different from everyone else. Everyone knows what oddballs those Jehovah’s can be, especially when they knock on your door at 6am and expect a conversation about God and afterlife. Well, sadly those annoying people include my father. He’s actually a really cool dude who listens to classic rock and drinks Miller High Life every day of his life, but just so much as mention heaven, hell, or any other religious aspect, and he will politely begin to “inform” you about his ideal lifestyle complete with facts on life from his version of the Bible. I always avoid these conversations when I visit, but let’s get back to how this effects my inspiration as an artist, shall we?

So, the history or religion is an interesting story because it is involved in every aspect of history. But it has always created so much confusion in my world especially as a child. I could never understand how one religion could be the “truth” while the others were made up to trick people into false ideologies. And I never got answers, only more questions. I am fascinated with the fact that religion has been a driving force behind the continuation of nations as well as the destruction of them historically. Also, I am continually interested in the general and psychological aspects of ritual and worship.

As of recently, I am taking biblical references involving the depiction of women characters in the bible or in mythical stories because I want to investigate how the depiction of females is different from that of males and how females were depicted in biblical history in general. For instance Lot’s wife who turns to stone because all she did was look back at the destruction, or the Virgin Mary with her immense purity and how no mortal female will ever be like her, and how her sexuality was taken from her because she was never “defiled” since she was impregnated by the holy spirit. This feminine aspect didn’t come out of nowhere; as a female I have always been interested in our view of any story in history because it’s so much different for males than for females. For instance, how females experience war as opposed to males (women get the worst of the worst in the bad situations, sometimes worse than men, I’m just sayin’). As far as making images goes, I will set up a shot or capture one from my surroundings to portray these aspects; it goes both ways for me.

But I draw from this because I have noticed it for so long and I have contemplated it. I am still trying to figure out different ways to tie all of this together and I am making progress just like everyone else. No religious person really knows if there is a supreme being but they like to believe that there is whether it be because of tradition, morals, out of respect, or just because they have done so much wrong in this life that they want to be reassured that their next life will be good. Psychologically, religion is one crazy subject that we could get plenty drunk on one night, but lets save that for another time. God bless baby jesus yall! --jenelle